Money Making Schemes

I’m going for counselling today?

There are so many horror stories about Chinese wives and now I can add mine to the pile. We have only been legally married here in Australia for 4 days and it has been hell. To keep it brief, the day after the wedding when we got home she got stuck into me…again. Copped an earful because I wasn’t quick enough in the kitchen for her. She is a lunatic at times and throws things around in a mad rush that is way over the top. I’m the complete opposite and sometimes a little too slow (I’m trying to remain conscious of this). The argument escalated with her accusing me of not doing anything for her, not cooking (not true), not earning money (at least I was out everyday looking for work – we only just got back from China and I had a flight confirmed to Brisbane from Sydney for a job interview and confirmed casual work here in Sydney), not doing anything for her except holding her back. It got worse and I threatened to call the police if she didn’t settle down. That enraged her to the point of pushing me in the chest and getting in my face. I went the bedroom and held the copy of the marriage certificate in my hands and sat there almost in tears.

She came in and snatched it out of my hands and tore it in half, threw it on the floor and told me to pack my bags and get out. I left for a few hours and spoke to the celebrant, my parents and a friend from China. The celebrant is holding the original marriage certificate until I request to have it released. She basically said point blank that she purposely read the riot act prior to our marriage (pointed out the laws to my partner) because she suspected a scam to get into the country and use me as a green card.

Not sure if this has anything to do with it…she comes from a broken home where her parents continuously fought each other. Violence and put downs where normal. Now the put downs are shoved onto me.

Yesterday I dare say that we had a good evening. This morning I got up early with her and cooked some breakfast before she left for work. It’s becoming an expected thing of me I think – why I should do it is beyond me given how she has told me how bad I am. After breakfast things seemed ok – I was complimented on my looks and how good I am. Until she needed help to have the national anthem explained to her. I told her succinctly but she didn’t like that and said when I explain things it’s not clear and very boring (I think Chinese have this expectation of everything being delivered to them with a song and dance – if they’re not entertained by the knowledge being delivered, then they lose interest too quickly). Anyway, I am hurt by that comment against me. I am hurt by her actions. I feel like she has damaged our union permanently.

There was no gratitude for the meal I cooked. She just listened to her recordings and practiced her recitals then walked out without so much as a goodbye. Nothing. I was lying on the bed relaxing with my eyes closed and she just got up and walked out (I don’t want to excuse her having her mind on other things to do with her work).

I feel like there are times when she doesn’t want to be with me and wants to move on. I feel like I want to move on. Our marriage is a miserable existence. I feel bored and quite often alone as she can’t make much time for us. It’s all about her recitals and practice for her job. Same thing as over there in China. Would spend all of her time on the job and we only saw each other about 4-6 days a month which naturally caused us to drift apart.

I’m tired of being boring. Today I’m seeing the psychologist. I wanted her to come along but the boss gave her work. When she doesn’t have work, she runs to the office annoying the boss for more work. Yeah we need the money to get established here but we need the time for each other.

Everybody is now of the opinion that I am being used but refuse to see it.

Making $1,500 in 2 weeks?

In the middle of my spring quarter at the university in my sophomore year, I had to be dismissed from the school a little bit. I cannot tell my mom more details other than that it was due to financial aid complications.

I received large refund checks that were part of grants and what was left over after the money was processed each quarter. Freshman year I received about $1,100 per quarter, and in my sophomore year I received about $2,700 per quarter. I have spent all of them in school related materials (bought textbooks, my first printer, my first school desk, and helped my family with rent and my mom’s surgery med costs… I don’t come from a family with much) within each quarter.

Before I continue, I know many might believe I was being profligate, but that’s hardly the truth at all. the reason I had 100% financial aid is because it was mostly need-based. I have a single mother with a disabled brother, elderly grandma and unemployed uncle all of which she takes care of, and she makes minimum wage with no government assistance (by choice). I kindly ask for serious answers.

I got direct deposit, so the checks came in a few days before the start of every quarter. At the end of the 2nd week I was dropped from all my classes and was told that there were a lot of issues etc. As much as I fought to fix this situation quickly and efficiently before getting behind in the classes I had hoped I would get into again, NOTHING worked.

3rd week, paper work began, I broke the news to my family, had been moving out of my campus apartment, but had also spent some of my refund check on some bills, groceries, brand new text books that I already bought and couldn’t return (~$300 total). Since I had received NO notice about returning my check, it didn’t occur to me to ask if I should return that…. my mistake, I know.

Meanwhile, my grandmother had to get a surgery and my mother was briefly sick with the flu so I have been busy trying to help out. I haven’t had time to really get into job searching (it’s tough since I have to take the bus everywhere, and no one is hiring it seems). It is now the 5th week of the quarter, April 27th, and I decide to call the financial aid office about the Exit Loan procedure, and he mentioned I have to return the check by the 13th, in passing.

My heart sunk instantly and almost fainted, I’m freaking out. I don’t want to tell my mom yet so as not to stress her out. Forget about her helping me out. We barely get by. I’m about to break down into tears, I don’t know what to do.

Please, I kindly ask for some serious answers. I’ll do almost anything, but only legally. I’m merely 20, I feel like I’m going to break and not be taken seriously by anyone as it is. Please.

My sex drive is every day but my husband only wants to have sex every five months, I am very frustrated?

I was loyal to him for four years of this nightmare but I had to stop working, volunteering and going to school because I am very attractive and the temptation to cheat was too great for me to leave my house. (He also did not want me to do any of these things and he would attack me if I tried to get a job or volunteer or go to school – I do not mean attack physically, he would attack me verbally/mentally/emotionally such as “you can’t handle that, you should just stay home”).

I asked him to leave our condo earlier this year and he got his own apartment. We agreed that we could date other people during our separation. He pays the mortgage on the condo, but I legally own it because I paid for one third of it with my own personal inheritance money, however I cannot keep the condo without his help paying the mortgage since I do not work anymore. We cannot sell it unless we take such a huge loss that I would not receive any of my initial investment, which is a HUGE concern for me given the current economic climate.

Before we got married I got a college degree and had a good, stable job for several years so I have a good work history, I just don’t have ANY recent work history.

By the way I supported us financially for the first two years (he contributed but I paid most of it, again with my personal inheritance money) and now the tables are turned so he supports us mostly and I contribute a little since I do not have a lot of money left.

I hate to focus on money so much but I have to eat and pay the bills!!

So, we had agreed to date other people and I found a man who makes me happy, we are sexually GREAT together and it was such a breath of fresh air to experience intimacy and sensuality with someone for the first time in five years!!

However my husband and I still have to talk due to the finances and he asked me questions and I was honest that I was dating this man and that we had sex. He threw a fit and yelled and threw things, and I stopped seeing the man because I am afraid that my husband will not continue to pay the mortgage if I keep seeing him and I cannot afford to take that risk.

What can I do??? I am VERY sexually frustrated once again. I have tried everything from dancing topless for my husband (he watches and enjoys it but we do not ever have sex!!) to setting up a nice atmosphere in our bedroom, to talking to a regular marriage counselor and a sex therapist, to reading articles on the subject, etc. My husband and I just don’t have good sex.

I miss this man and the man wants me to keep having sex with him and hide it from my husband, but I never hide anything and I know that if my husband asked me, I would be honest with him.

And if you want to ask why we got married and didn’t we know this before marriage, unfortunately we made the bad decision to get married too quickly and my father passed away so I thought that the bad sex was due to my grief and I blamed myself and assumed it would get better once my grief lifted (it obviously never got better!!).

Thanks for any advice or insight!
Quixotic, MY HUSBAND DOES NOT WANT ME TO WORK.
Fletch, I know my post is long but you obviously didn’t read it, I supported us for the first two years of marriage when he didn’t make much, and now that he is making more, he is not rich.

Mikey, the finances relate because I am more trapped because of them. If it wasn’t for the finances then I could leave and have sex with whomever I wanted to. I am not talking about a Benz here people, I am talking about food and shelter.

Geez!!! I knew I would get flamed for this post by people who didn’t bother to read or consider it carefully, but I wanted to take that risk just in case I might get some good advice too.
Lola, thank you, thank you, thank you. Your clear and concise advice was worth all of the annoying, ignorant flaming. You’re right. The condo is holding me hostage. Thank you.
ablex, that is quite an interesting idea, LOL… now that is one thing I have never tried!

How do you get married without a license?

This whole license thing seems really stupid to me. I’ve asked all my friends and relatives and they told me it was a simple thing. They went down to the courthouse and got it legalized very quickly. Now I have to get a license and wait? My fiance and I have been engaged for five years and we don’t really have the money for a big ceremony and my family is from florida, we’re in california so it makes it hard to do an actual ceremony so we just want to become legally married. Help? Having to pay for an 80$ license to get married seems stupid. If anyone can answer this it’d be greatly appreciated.

I am looking for immigration help….I have copy and pasted a question I posted on VisaJourney.com?

hello all

i have went through quite the journey with my beautiful iranian fiance. Excuse me for being long winded but I’ll explain the situation fully so I can get as close to an accurate answer as possible. I apologize if its in the wrong forum or if its asking too much for some. If it’s bothersome like I said before, I apologize. I met my fiance online on May 8th, 2009. After a few months I flew to Canada where she had recently (within the year) immigrated to Canada. Between August and February of the next year I made as many tricks back and forth as my job and bank account could allow. I filed the I-129f in October and about that time we came across some troubles. My fiances family was against us being together. They let us be for quite a while without them bothering us until they realized that we were serious about what we wanted to do, which was us wanting to be together forever. Her mother and father went from calling her names and threatening to kick her out of the house to her father cornering her in her home and threatening to kill her. We quickly got her into a women’s shelter and then soon after got her an apartment of her own. A few days after that I was able to fly and see her and we went to the police department and pressed charges on his threat and the police arrested her father and sent him to jail. He was only there for a night. About a week later the police escorted her into her home and she grabbed a bag of clothes and a few important documents. Things were tough with me not being able to be there and protect her. It was a difficult time for her. In January, after many tries she finally got a visitors visa to come to the US for the first time and see my home and my family. In late February she finally was able to come see me but unfortunately she was stopped in the airport. She was stopped and questioned in a little locked room for up to 4-5 hours. They made her miss her flight. When she finally got into my arms in the US her face was filled with tears and I immediately called a lawyer. They fingerprinted her 4 times, kept taking her passport and taking pictures and even kept asking her over and over again where her American drivers license. She had never been in the country before!! They even broke her laptop!! Our first two days together were me on the phone calling lawyers. I even called the ACLU. They all told me the same thing. They said that since she wasn’t safe in Canada (her father said he wanted to kill her) that we should just get married. While we were thinking about what we should do and if we shoudl listen to the lawyers we got our NOA2 for the K-1 visa. We still finally decided that we would listen to the lawyers (after talking to 10+) and get married. It was a pain getting her money from her bank account and her last check from her job. It was a pain getting her bag from her apartment and getting her utilities turned off and even harder getting her loan figured out with the university she was going to. However we finally did and we got married this past Saturday, one year from the day we met. We received our marriage license today and now we are trying to figure out what steps to take next. I filled out all of the paperwork for the I-129f myself with no RFE. I have been reading diligently on this site but most things that I find are of people who had gotten the fiance visa/marriage visa. I am getting together all of the paperwork needed for the I-485 I just don’t know what differences my pack will look like compared to someone who did the process differently/i hate to say it but “legally“. What I was told by the lawyers is we will have to prove that we didn’t plan on her visitors visa to be used to get her here for good. It wasn’t. All I could think of is if she went back to Canada after the horrible things her family were making her go through and the treatment she got in the airport that it would be better if she was with me (safe)….if anyone can help it would be greatly appreciated. thanks to anyone who helps